So, Yuki, over there on the other side, all right?
This is it, O. This is it, bro.
It's almost time.
Yes, it is. Your dreams are finally coming true.
Yeah, man. I grew up visiting these comedy clubs with my dad,
and I always wanted something like that for myself one day.
I mean, not a club but, you know, a lounge,
with music and comedy.
The whole experience.
That's exactly what we're going to give them.
The whole experience, and then some.
That's right.
You know, this is one of those times
you just need to stop, breathe it in.
Yeah. Never forget this moment,
because it never gets any sweeter.
Hey, hey, he)'-
Hey, POP-
How you feeling?
You cutting it close. You open this weekend.
Yeah, but we almost there. All right.
The legendary Nate Rider. Sir.
They ain't killed me yet, son.
You know, my father went to see you
when you opened up for Eddie Murphy's first world tour.
Yeah, that was a time when I was a young thoroughbred.
Now I'm an old fart.
They try to put my old behind out to pasture.
Yeah, well, you know, everyone needs to move on
to the next stage in life eventually.
Oh, okay. Well, you tell me when you get there
to that "moving on" stage, because right now
I'm just at the next level of my life, man.
It's a sweet level when you're old enough to enjoy life.
Dad.
Son.
Oh, you know what?
You ought to let me open up for you, man.
A few nights a week. You know, I'll bring the crowd in, dawg.
You know, look, Dad,
we're kind of going with a different crowd.
You know, a younger, chic business thing.
Okay. See, that's a clue
that you youngsters, you think you know something.
But you don't know nothing!
I've got a degree in Marketing,
a graduate degree from Yale,
and I just resigned as VP of Marketing
in the number one urban clothing line in the world.
Whoo! And what that got to do with a gin and tonic, son? Huh?
No, no, I'm serious.
I have learned more in the back alleys of Memphis
than you can any day in some shirt-and-tie mortuary.
An office job is not a mortuary.
Further proof you know nothing.
Dad, time to go.
Hey, just trying to help you out.
Oh, by the way, son,
y'all need some crushed velvet curtains
and some lava lamps.
Too shiny.
Oh, man. They don't make them like that anymore.
You can say that again. Yeah.
Oh, hey, boss. Don't forget.
We got those talent auditions lined up for tomorrow.
Oh, 'Ecol.
Yeah, this place is gonna combine
East Coast swagger with L.A. style.
Yeah. I can't wait.
Stop it!
I don't know why you act like you don't like it, girl.
Ticklish! Stop! You can't get away from me.
You only run because you like to get caught.
Oh, I run because you like to chase.
Ew. Mm-mm. You are sweaty.
Go shower.
When did you get so prissy? You used to like sweat.
Yeah, I mean, there's the sweat that you make,
and then there's the sweat that we make.
I prefer the latter.
Intellectually stimulating and sexually elusive.
Sex on the brain.
Oh, come on, girl. You know I love you.
Yeah, you know sex is not love.
No, no, it's not.
But you bring the sexy out of me.
Oh, do I? Okay.
Which reminds me.
How do you like your dress for this weekend?
Um, yeah, that-- That's cute.
It's shiny, but I already know what I'm wearing this weekend.
Yeah, but babe, it's just, you know, important for people
to see someone beautiful every time you walk in.
Okay, now, I know I agreed to help host this,
but it's a one-time thing.
You can get some little college kid
to wear this little itty-bitty dress.
Yeah, but I asked you to do it.
Yeah, and I'm happy to, but for opening night only.
Shanice, you know how important this is to me.
If I can't count on you now,
how can I count on you when we get married?
Married? Yes.
Whoa. Married.
You know, I proposed to you.
And I said no.
And I know you didn't mean it.
Baby, you proposed to me
after we dated for less than three months.
Of course I meant it.
And now? And now...
we are still in the process of getting to know each other.
And I know you enough to know
you were meant for me.
Okay. Now, when we do get married in the far,
distant, far future,
trust me, you will be able to count on me, okay?
But for now, I mean, I have a full-time job
and my acting career.
You're a 30-year-old no-name, no-résumé actress
who wants to quit her job and chase some pipe dream.
I mean, babe, you have an amazing job, okay?
The rest of your time should be focused
on helping me build an empire.
I mean, isn't that what every woman dreams?
So let me get this straight.
My dreams are supposed to be your dreams.
Yeah, pretty much.
You're crazy.
Every king needs a queen.
Todd, I have my own dreams and aspirations,
and acting is one of them. You know that.
Baby, if you can't be with me in the valley
when I'm starting out,
why do I need you when I'm on the mountaintop?
That was profound.
But really, maybe you should deal with what's going on
right here and right now for once.
You know what? Come to think of it,
maybe you don't even need me in your life.
Especially since you can't even seem to support my dreams.
Well, I would if they were realistic.
Realistic?
So you're saying your dreams are more realistic than mine?
Obviously. I mean, I don't see Tyler or Spielberg calling.
Wait, okay, you're overreacting. No, you know what?
Truthfully, I haven't reacted enough.
You're constantly trying to control me and put me down.
I'm not trying to control you. And degrade me.
And manipulate me with your little condescending ideologies.
Well, you know what?
Good luck, okay, with your dreams, Todd.
See you at the mountaintop.
Shanice. Come on--
Shanice.
Hey, man, it's an emergency. Why don't you answer your phone?
I was in the shower.
Go put on some damn clothes.
What?
Come on, man.
Hey, Shari, baby.
Hey, look, I'm not playing with you girl, okay?
I'm not playing-
I didn't mean anything about it, baby. I just-
I just felt like you needed to know, that's all.
Baby, look, I'm a man, so, you know,
I'm going to stink sometimes.
I mean, the point is I can't live without you, okay?
Baby, look, you got me on my knees over here, okay?
Come on, now. Men don't do this.
Men don't beg like this.
Baby, look--
Baby, look, I can't be without you, girl.
I can't. You got me over here at my boy's crib
crying like I'm in some kind of soap opera.
Hey, you want a little Lenny?
I'll Lenny for you.
Yeah, baby, I'll Lenny for you.
You know I'll Lenny for you, baby, anytime.
♪ I love you, girl ♪
J" I love you ♪
I don't care how much you beg!
I will never come back to you,
and you're going to miss me before I miss you!
You know what? I was getting tired of her butt anyway.
What happened?
Oh, man, things were going so good, man.
They were going. The loving was great.
She cooks, she cleans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is
to find a good woman who will do a brother's crusty feet?
I haven't found one.
She just had one little thing that bothered me, man.
Just one little thing. What?
Look, if I tell you this
you got to promise not to wear me out about it.
I promise, man. What's up?
It's embarrassing, man.
You know, sometimes she had a little odor.
What kind of odor?
Well, you know, it was like a female odor.
She stinks?
Sometimes, you know? But usually I can put up with it.
Oh, man. Today, man, she just had a tail of funk
just dragging behind her.
Oh, my gosh, man.
Have you ever smelled something so bad
that it literally hurts you to smell it?
No, I'm serious. Like, it physically hurt.
Like you were trapped in some kind
of Korean military torture chamber or something.
Just...
Good grief, man. I couldn't take it.
I had to say something, man. Oh, J, you didn't say something.
Well, the hell I did, man. I couldn't suffer anymore.
No, J, you can never say something to a woman
about something she can't change or won't change.
Her hair, her skin, her weight.
Her funk? I can't tell her she stink?
No! I can't say,
"Baby, your smell slightly offends me"?
No. Okay-
I'm not even allowed to be offended then.
She can be offended by things I say, things I do,
but me, I can't.
There's no going back after that.
You know, I just don't understand how this is my fault.
You know, nobody should ever have to tell you
to wipe your butt.
Jamal-- No, I'm serious, man.
It's the first thing that happens to you in life.
Your mama feeds you and then she wipes your butt.
Yeah, man, but sometimes it doesn't matter how much
a woman takes a shower.
It's genetic. Well, if it's genetic,
her mama need to put her up.
I'm serious, man. Pass her down some herbs or something.
Or tell her about the family secret.
Man, quit laughing, man. This ain't funny.
I needed you two hours ago.
Oh, man. I was-- I was having my own drama.
What, with Shanice?
Yeah, man.
It's over.
Yeah, it's over.
It's hitting me a little harder than I expected, too.
I'm sorry, man. She was a good girl, man,
but not without her issues.
Trying to be all Kerry Washington and everything
at age 30.
She needs to be trying to hold down a job, man.
It's hard out here. That was my point.
But the woman is holding on to the pipe dream
with a kung fu grip.
You a good guy, though.
I told you about messing with them actresses.
There's only one exception,
and that's Halle Berry.
She patient like that.
Try to do the right thing.
Get married, settle down.
Come on, man. These women can't cook.
They can't clean. They try way too hard to be a man.
Man, that's what I'm talking about, man.
I mean, look, check this out.
Corporate America is filled
with almost 10 times more black female executives than men.
That's true.
I mean, look at them. "I'm having power lunches."
"I'm taking meetings."
Do you know that Shanice had the audacity to tell me
that she wouldn't drive a minivan
if we got married and had kids?
What's she going to drive then?
Told me I can drive.
A shame. A damn shame.
You know what it is? It's demonic.
The boy toys, the boy shorts.
What are those, anyway?
It's like these women want exactly that:
a human-sized toy.
That pays the bills.
Man, you know what I should do?
I know what you should do.
You should get the biggest,
baddest piece of arm candy you can, dawg,
and just call it a day.
I'm telling you, just-- You're too high-strung.
Just, you know, just date. Have some fun.
No, no, no. See, that's too simple, man.
Yeah, yeah, I set my goals too short
and my eyes too small.
I'm missing vision. Vision. Okay.
Creativity. Creativity.
Aggression. I like aggression.
It's going to be a fever pitch. It's going to be a what?
Yeah, forget that.
I was the one who was antiquated small-minded and simple.
Well, you did propose to four different women in four years.
Exactly. So maybe these women had it right all along.
Uh, no, you just need to slow your butt down, okay?
See, you the kind of dude that you enjoy all this foreplay
but you bail right before the climax.
No, no, the problem was none of these women were ready.
I'm going to spread my love around.
Be selfish for once. Enjoy planting my seed. Yeah.
Well, now you just sound like you're full of yourself.
You know what? You got to change with the times, bro.
My dad always said a woman would do no more or no less
than what you allow her to do.
Wasn't your daddy a pimp?
I was looking for an angel when I really needed both, man.
I needed an angel and a devil. Sugar and spice.
Okay, so you're trying to date two women.
Three, four, five of them.
See, this is where you always mess up in the end, man.
You're greedy. Why can't I have it all?
You can't have it all. Nobody has it all.
No, bro, I want it all.
If I can't have it all with one woman,
I'm going to find it in however many women I can.
Todd, these compulsive habits you have,
they're not healthy, bro.
They're not, all right? You are a serial monogamist.
Not anymore.
Maybe you need a thick woman.
See, a thick woman would work with you, all right?
And every man needs a woman that will scrape the dead skin
from his feet.
And that cooks.
And takes care of you like a baby.
"Where are you, little shnookums?
Little shnookums, come here."
And that doesn't ask for too much.
Right. Just a little loving. Two minutes and I'm out.
Just a little marathon. Just a jog around the block.
Hey, and if you're lucky, you might even find one
who'll do all the work for you.
See, I want one like that. Yeah.
Yeah, some arm candy. A vixen. A cougar.
Yeah, man, I'm about to bust this game wide open, baby.
Okay, now remember, men have been found as roadkill
on the side of roads for trying to pull off something like that.
It's beast time.
Mufasa, calm down.
The beach is that way.
You've been looking at yourself in the mirror a lot.
I can-- I can really tell.
I can't take this, man. Seriously.
You left your phone. You left your phone.
I'm about to get it, buddy. You don't understand.
I'm spreading this loving around.
All right, O, the talent has got to be top-notch.
I got you, boss.
All right, man.
Oh, I'm meeting with the suppliers later on,
so I'm going to need your eyes for the audition.
Hey, don't worry about nothing. I got your back.
Cool. All right.
Hi. I'm here for the hosting position.
Oh, yes, of course.
I'm Todd, the owner.
Hi.
Give me a second. Let me get some chairs.
Hey, how you doing?
All right, there you go. Thank you.
All right, all right.
My name is Kierra White,
and I'm a recent college graduate.
And I'm just looking for something
at night and on the weekends
while I finish my internship at St. Mary's.
Pre-med? Yes.
Neurology. Very impressive.
Are you going to review my résumé?
I will in a moment. I just want to get a feel for you.
Okay.
So, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Well, I run.
I write poetry.
And I volunteer at the homeless shelter.
Oh, you're just a little angel, huh?
I'm just trying to do my part. To give back.
And humble, too.
Thank you.
I just want to be clear on something.
Here at the Water Lounge,
we don't just want the average nightclub vibe, you know?
We want people to walk in
and feel like they've had an experience.
So when it comes to the hostess, she must be beautiful.
But beyond that, graceful. Statement-worthy.
I understand.
Do you? Yes.
Like that 1940s grace.
When women used to stop traffic.
Yeah, that's it.
And men wore suits,
and ladies always seemed to have a dress on.
Yeah. So wise beyond your years.
All right, so let me just--
Let me make sure I got this all in the right order.
You're hired, I'm hoping that you're free tonight for dinner,
and I'll cook it right here.
No, it's just dinner.
With you?
Yes.
Well, see, I like to get to know my staff...
intimately.
Okay.
7:30'?
Sure.
Okay.
Kierra White.
I think I just found an angel.
Yeah.
Hey, boss, I know it may not be my place to say,
but, you know, one thing my pops always told me:
whatever you do, never crap where you eat.
And this applies to me how?
I mean, do you think it's cool to be messing around
with one of your employees?
Trust me, we're just going to have a little fun.
Hmm.
Yeah, that's the same thing Clarence Thomas said.
So the Brown Betties, huh?
Yeah, I like your style and I definitely like your look.
But, you know, just keep in mind
here at my club,
we're going to keep it growing and sexy.
So let me see what y'all working with.
Yeah.
Squeeze it. There it is.
Okay.
That was nice.
Real nice.
You know, but, you know, let me think about it.
I'll get back with you.
And I'll let you know if you got the job or not.
Enjoy your day, ladies.
Thank you. Thanks.
All right. Yeah.
Get a load of Marliss.
The Brown Betties.
Yeah.
Next.
Can he walk any slower?
Ooh, he going to break my damn stage.
All right, so, what's going on, man?
How you feeling?
So, what's your name?
Call me Tiko.
So, what you going to do for us today?
I'm going to wow you, player.
Okay.
Go ahead.
I ain't going to be here too long,
because I got my Smart car out there double-parked.
But you look familiar.
You look like my first son's father.
You look just like him.
Bernard?
No.
Oh, she told me
none of them kids was mine.
I'm sure taking care of them.
Anyway, I'm down to my last Fruit Roll-Ups.
But it's good to be here.
It's kind of fancy. Got a lot of curtains.
You best be doing something besides pimping.
And I used to pimp. I was pimping ho's.
But my last ho got hit by a bus,
and ain't nobody banging no crippled coochie, goddang.
So I'm just here
trying to find another way to make some money,
because the damn parole officer
is not going to want to know about yesterday.
Talking about I got two more weeks.
He's going to take me back again.
And again, ain't nowhere for no pimp,
you know what I'm saying?
I was in there for a while.
I was sending them young boys to them big boys.
You know, it got out of hand,
because them big boys was getting real rude.
I told them five boxes of cigarettes.
They want to come with one.
And I said,
"You ain't getting my best little young ho over here.
"He a good boy.
I ain't going to let you go like that, Jezebel."
That was his name.
Boy, I did a white room. It was Ku Klux Klan.
Everything was cool until my hood came off.
It ain't really like that.
It ain't really like that at all.
I think some people shouldn't wear church clothes
if they don't bathe.
I mean, I was sitting by this one brother,
he was funky as hell.
I said, "Holy Spirit ain't going to get up in you,
"because your stink is the scene.
Your stink is the scene."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
VD.
VD? All right, VD. On that note--
No, no. VD who?
VD who?
Hell, you got VD?
You better find out who you got it from.
All right, well, check this out, man.
I'll give you a call in a couple of days
and let you know if you got the job.
You know, I got to think about some things first.
Where you gonna call, man? I ain't gave you no damn number.
Oh, don't worry about that. You know, we'll contact you.
Well, these black lounges,
they don't tell the truth.
You sound like you ain't gonna book my ass,
and you're going to regret it when I get on Arsenio Hall,
if he ever get back on TV.
All right.
All right, bro.
He funny, though.
You got to get this stage fixed before I come up here.
I don't want to be making no trapdoor.
Oh, man.
Okay.
I'm glad his act was faster than his exit.
Next.
Oh, boy.
Oh, this is nice.
Yeah, I could tear it up in here.
I definitely- Yeah, I can definitely do it up in here.
When do I start?
Uh, hey, hold on.
First of all you got to audition.
Audition? Yeah. Audition.
I haven't auditioned for nothing in years.
Like, people just book me.
Yeah, I know you might be popular somewhere else,
but I don't know you.
Who are you? What's your name?
Tiffany.
Okay, so what are you gonna do for us?
I tell jokes.
Well, make me laugh.
I grew up-- I grew up in South Central L.A.
My grandma raised me.
You know, she taught me how to be a woman.
She taught me how to value myself as a woman.
I'll never forget it. It was my 18th birthday.
And I really wish she would have told me this
on my 16th birthday,
because at that point I had been ridden out the property already,
if you know what I mean.
But she pulled me to the side and she said...
Look here, baby girl.
Now that you become a woman,
there's a certain way you need to think of yourself.
And every woman,
every woman should think of herself this way.
Baby, I want you to think of yourself as a house.
And there's one thing you got to remember, baby.
Every man wants to come inside your house.
But you can't be having all kind of men
going in and out your house all the time,
because that bring your property value low.
Mess around and be known as the crack house,
and you don't want to be the crack house.
You want to keep the grass cut and keep it clean,
because you don't want people walking by thinking
you got an abandoned house, see here?
And you don't want to be going out late at night getting drunk,
because somebody will break into your house, baby.
Right through the back door. Break in right through the back.
And that'll have you walking messed up the next day,
talking to the police.
And she said, Once you find a man that loves you
and cares about you,
he'll go ahead and he'll sign that paperwork,
he'll put a ring on your finger and he will buy that house.
And I just want to know by a round of applause
how many ladies are here tonight got them a husband,
a.k.a., homeowner.
Yeah.
Nobody?
Well, dang, so all y'all just renting your house,
or just section 8-ing the property out?
Rent it out.
Got some Mexican family of 15 living in there,
trying to make ends meet.
Okay, okay. Cut, cut, cut. Hold it.
That was horrible, all right?
Look, I don't know where you got your jokes from,
but you need to take them back where you got them from,
because that sucked.
Your grandmother told you about the house.
Your grandmother should have told you
to get you a new occupation,
because that was not good.
Now, if you could just get up off my stage, please--
Well, you know what?
Your little bald head is not good, Okay?
Why don't you get some Ovation hair therapy
and grow your hairline back in.
Please just exit.
Oh, I can't believe you.
All right, well, you have a nice day.
I knew it.
Yup, yup, yup. I knew it.
You knew what?
I knew you would come back to your senses
and come running back to me.
Boy, please.
Do I look like I'm running back to you?
Yeah, well, then why are you here?
I just...
I just wanted to give you these.
I forgot you had these.
Yeah.
So I don't know if you realize,
but today is one week away from our six-month anniversary.
Six months, huh?
YUP-
Well, you know, time flies when you're having fun.
Okay, Todd, I don't want to play games with you.
I really don't. I love you.
You don't love me.
If you loved me you would have married me.
But it's all good.
Hey, your loss is someone else's gain.
You are so stubborn.
And so are you.
I mean, do you know how many women
would pray to be with a man like me?
Well, you know what they say. Be careful what you ask for.
Oh, it's like that?
I guess so.
Well, hey,
you know, I got stuff to do, so...
Todd.
Take care.
Ow, girl.
Oh, boy.
What the...? Where these instruments come from?
Oh, this should be interesting.
Next.
What the heck?
Does he have on pink fur?
Hey, hey, hey. How you doing, man?
Hello.
Okay, what's your name?
Dream Catcher.
Dream Catcher? Okay.
So...
So what you going to do for us today?
I'm going to do a little jingle.
Okay. Go ahead.
You ready?
Band!
This song's about Leah Parker.
She broke my heart, you know.
Took all I had.
He's not wasting my...
I didn't know what to say back then.
But now I do.
Dream Catcher.
♪ She took my money ♪
♪ She took my clothes ♪
♪ She took my pride ♪
♪ She took my hose ♪
♪ She left me ugly ♪
♪ Left me broke ♪
♪ Now, I'm gonna kill you ♪
♪ Choke, choke, choke ♪
♪ I'm gonna kill you ♪
♪ Choke, choke, choke ♪
♪ Now, I'm gonna kill you ♪
He is not moon-walking.
♪ Choke, choke, choke ♪
♪ Now, I'm gonna kill you ♪
♪ Choke, choke, choke ♪
Stop, please. Just stop.
Dream Catcher, Dream Snatcher, whatever, man.
Just please just spare me.
You know what you need to do, man?
Just take that act and go on back to Harvard with it.
So when do I go on?
Never.
Ever.
That means you like the song.
"Choke, Choke, Choke."
I'm gonna choke, choke, choke you out of my club
if you don't get off my stage right now.
Please.
Right.
Bring security out here. Who--?
Security!
Who let him in here?
Wow, this is so nice.
Welcome.
Did you cook this yourself?
Of course.
There's a Cajun shrimp fettuccine warming
while we eat our blue lump crab cakes.
And to drink, I've got a 1975 chardonnay.
Please, taste it to see if it's to your liking.
That was pretty good.
I don't normally drink wine,
but when I do it's Moscato.
Do you have any sugar?
Uh, yes, yes.
Um, I do.
Give me one second.
There you go. Thank you.
All right.
Now that's much better. Almost like Moscato.
Oh, yeah. Well, you know,
Moscato is really a dessert wine.
Chardonnay is meant to be a little dry.
Also, may I suggest that you hold the glass by the stem,
so the oil from your fingertips don't taint the wine.
And don't drink.
Let the wine massage your taste buds.
Let it slide into your mouth.
You're right. It's like you can feel the wine sinking in.
Exactly.
May I
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
It's delicious.
It's delectable.
It's like eating sin.
I like how you put that.
Mmm.
Mmm. I love this piece.
It's the old soul.
Do you dance?
I love to dance.
Oh, shall we?
All right.
We're not dancing to this, are we?
Oh, well, did you have something else in mind?
Can I plug in my iPod?
Sure, sure. Yeah.
This is my tape.
Whoo!
All right.
You can't handle me. You can't handle me.
Yeah , well , you're probably right.
Okay, all right. That was fun.
That was great.
That was so invigorating.
Oh, I'm so glad you're not one of those stiff shirts.
You know, the old fogey type.
Uh-huh.
Because I'm young. I want to be free, you know?
Enjoy my youth.
No commitment.
No strings.
How does that feel?
Oh, it feels amazing.
My boyfriend loves my massages.
You have a boyfriend?
Several.
It's funny how life works.
Wait, how do you have more than one boyfriend?
I asked myself long ago:
Kierra, how are you going to heal the world
if you're only loving one man?
So now I spread my love all over the world.
Spread your love all over the world?
Yes. France.
Milan.
India.
India?
Well, that wasn't till my parents cut me off.
Life is so funny.
I was born, and then I walk in
and I find my candy.
Candy?
You know, I think my mom calls them sugar daddies.
That's what she said my dad was before they got married.
Look, I think there's been a misunderstanding.
I love that you're so wise.
So refined.
You just lay there.
I don't mind working for what I get.
Kierra, you know, I don't really--
I know every single thing about the male anatomy.
Hey, it's looking nice in here, man.
Yeah, we getting there.
One more day till we open.
So, where you hiding her?
Who? The angel, man.
I didn't come all the way down here to see you.
She is not here, man. Thank God.
That doesn't sound like happiness.
Man, she will not stop calling me.
And I put new brakes on her car,
I paid her light bill,
I keep filling up her tank.
You tricking. She can't be that fine.
Man, she is.
But that's not the point, man.
She is wearing me out.
Well, take it out of her pay.
I can't. She's depending on that money to pay her rent.
Look, I don't understand what's going on here.
I just know she got to go.
No, man. I can't get rid of her, because I'm her boss as well.
It's just not that simple.
Ooh, you got a lawsuit happening.
You got a lawsuit happening. You got to get out of this.
But that's on you. I'll be here tomorrow,
and you'd better have my VIP. I got your table, man.
You got a lawsuit happening. There ain't a lawsuit.
It ain't tricking if you got it, and obviously I got it.
Watch them getting out of the curtain.
Right this way, baby. Right this way.
Yes, I'm Jamal Hartford.
I have a VIP reservation.
I'm sorry. I don't have you down.
No, that must be a mistake.
I'm a dear, personal friend of the owner.
I understand. I mean, most everyone here is.
But the VIP is reserved for our most prestigious guests.
Do you remember me?
Should I?
Well, I did a little Hostess commercial back in the day.
I don't remember.
It was about '95.
I was 8 then.
What?
I'm sorry.
We don't have to start with the "I'm sorry."
Kierra, I got it. Yes.
This is Kierra? Oh, hell, no. She got to go, man.
Jamal. That's disrespectful!
Jamal, be cool. Just be cool.
All right, all right, all right. Baby, I'm so sorry about that.
Can you go freshen up for a little bit, baby?
All right, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Todd, where is my VIP?
Come on, bro. Am I not your brother, man?
Your table's over here. Come on.
♪ Had a man like me ♪
♪ Someone to cherish ♪
♪ And make you believe ♪
♪ Come a little closer ♪
♪ And you will see ♪
♪ That every fantasy ♪
Always flapping your gums. That's more like it, man.
Hang me out there looking like a scrub.
I got you covered. Chill.
Man. Tonight is real success for you though, brother.
Yeah. Thanks, man. You know.
No, you really knocked this one out of the park.
Yeah, but you know, it's easy to blow out opening night.
Now, to keep it packed every night, that's the challenge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at this cougar over here.
Mm-mm-mm.
See, she is lucky I am not here alone.
She's looking at me.
No, she's clearly looking at me.
Hey, baby, how you doing? Ooh, you smell so good.
We are VIP. Our table is right over there.
Why don't you go hold us down.
My goodness. Yeah, right?
Brother, she had it tonight.
She had it tonight, because I'm working on
a little jungle loving for later.
But that one right there, I'm warning you:
she bites.
I got this. No, no, no.
I'm not playing with you, Todd. Seriously.
I'm not bailing you out of jail.
That one will have you tricking on a corner. Watch yourself.
Go on, man.
Good evening. Good evening.
May I refresh your drink?
Absolutely.
Pinot noir.
Tell Omar to pull out our best bottle.
Right away, Mr. Weber.
I was watching you while you were on stage.
I just love a young man in a good suit.
Well, I don't know how young I am.
I didn't mean it to offend you. It's a compliment.
I don't mean young like a baby lion cub.
More young like a virile lion.
Well, you know, they say we get better with age.
Oh, baby, believe it.
I mean, I say it's the blending of the young
and the mature
that bring the fireworks.
I'm Linda.
Linda. All right.
So, what do you do?
I'm an interior decorator.
I work for high-end companies.
Athletes, celebrities, superstars.
All right, well, in that case
what do you think about the place?
It's nice.
It definitely could use a woman's touch.
But...
add drapes on the walls, add some layers.
Maybe candles on the bar.
Anything with some bling.
Bling?
Ladies love sparkles, baby.
Well, it must be nice to use your skills
in very creative ways.
Well, I guess it is
an interesting way to satisfy myself.
How so?
I always get what I want.
My clients trust me implicitly.
So when it comes to my designs,
I always get what I want there too.
That must ring true in your personal life too.
Why don't you call me tonight...
and find out.
Shanice? What are you doing here?
Well, I promised you I'd be here for the opening.
And I'm here.
Who's this?
This is Robert. He's one of the ministers
down at my church.
Uh-huh, How you doing, Robert?
I'm great.
This is a very nice place you have here.
Much success to you.
Shanice, I'm a little surprised
you were bringing the good reverend
to a lounge. Oh, we won't be staying.
Sorry, brother. I was talking to Shanice.
I just wanted to congratulate you.
Robert, do you mind? I'll be right out.
Not at all...
Todd.
Robert.
Why do you have to act so silly?
What you talking about, acting silly?
You want to bring some man up into my establishment.
I was on my way to church.
I just wanted to wish you success.
Church, huh?
Yeah. The place you refuse to take me.
Shanice, I don't have to go to church to be a good man.
No, you don't.
But the man that I want and the man that I'll have will.
Oh, like Robert?
Yeah, okay.
This is enough.
I want you to have a good night.
I know you'll do well.
Wait...
I miss you.
Yeah, I miss you too.
But I think this is for the best.
Says who?
Have a good night, okay?
What y'all doing here?
Work out, when I ran into Hostess boy here
out in the street.
That's funny, Mr. Ryder,
because I did that commercial, like, 20 years ago.
I wish you remember it was, like, 20 years ago.
You know, people don't forget child stars.
Boy, you weren't no star.
You did one commercial, and all you did
was shove a Twinkie in your mouth.
I had an agent.
What are you doing?
I'm here to borrow your golf clubs.
You don't play golf.
I don't need to know how to play.
I just need to look good standing by the clubhouse.
I got my eye on that long money.
Them white women gonna make this boy scrub they floors.
You lack vision and conviction.
Whatever.
What them?
Baby, I've got to get this car.
Hello, everyone.
How you doing? How you doing?
Baby, I needed gas money,
so I grabbed a 50 out of your wallet.
Caught himself a dairy farm.
A dairy farm?
Yeah, you getting milked.
Ha-ha-ha, that's very funny.
Whatever. Look, the golf clubs are in the closet.
And, Pop, you still haven't told me why you're here.
Oh, I'm here to talk some sense into you, boy.
Okay, okay, yes, yes.
Y'all did pretty good this weekend.
But I'm telling you, son,
I'm going to take you out to a whole new level.
Come on, Dad. I don't have time for this right now.
You guys really need to go. I got some--
We just got here.
Linda. Hey, honey.
I brought this back for you from the other night.
I had it cleaned.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
This is Jamal, and this is my dad, Nate.
Nate Ryder. Your dad?
You're a comedian, right? Yeah, that's what they tell me.
Wow. I was a huge fan of yours back in your heyday.
Ah, well, I'm sure you had some fans too in your heyday.
I still do all right.
Yeah, you do.
Well, anyway, this is for you.
I got to run. Got an appointment.
Good day, gentlemen.
HEY-
Thank you, baby. I got you.
Son, you ain't right. Man, you got kids and cougars
running all throughout this place.
Look here, little Twinkie boy,
why don't you leave so grown folk can talk?
They don't make Twinkies anymore,
but I got a Ding Dong for you.
Catch you later.
All right.
Say, Pop, you know, I don't think the lounge
is going to be the right place for you.
All right, fine. We'll discuss the lounge later.
Why do you have so many women running in and out your place
like you some black Howard Hughes?
I'm just enjoying being single.
Son, where's Shanice?
Pop, Shanice is old news.
And she's starting to date her minister from her church.
But I have moved on
to a plethora of opportunity that abounds.
Only a fool basks in his foolery.
But, Pop, come on, now. You were a legendary player.
And that's not something that I am proud of, son.
Listen, listen. Yes, all right? Yes, I was out on the street.
But your mama still raised you in church, boy.
I mean, I-- Lord knows I treated every woman wrong,
but I thank God she kept praying for me.
Look, I still want to get married, I do.
Just not now. I mean, right now I want to focus on me.
My business.
And enjoy all these beautiful women.
Uh-huh. You still think you're going to find a good woman
after you done slept with everything from here to L.A.?
Huh? Once you done laid up like some used-up sponge
somebody down found under the sink, you really--
You really think that you still going to find
that same good woman, son, huh?
Don't you think the reason so much happened
between you and Mom was because you didn't get a chance
to scratch that itch before you got married?
Scratch that itch!
Son, I could have ho'ed for another 20 years
before I finished scratching that itch.
Listen, listen, listen.
Everything that you are
and all that you will become
is written by the choices that you make.
Unfortunately, I did a whole lot of scratching
before I met your mama.
No, I got this.
Okay.
I hope you got it.
Because when I think about all the years that I...
I missed with your mother,
and when I was finally able to, you know,
get it right and ready,
it was too late.
I love you, son.
And I don't want you to make the same mistake that I made.
Yeah. I hear you, Pop.
And I love you, too. But...
I'm not sure.
I've said my piece.
All right, don't forget me and the club.
Lounge. Oh, whatever.
I'll bring the heat, son.
Have them jiggling Bambi. I know you will.
All right.
You know we don't do this here.
I just miss you so much.
I saw you two nights ago.
I know, but I really wanted to see you last night.
Yeah , well , I was busy.
Daddy, I need an advance on my paycheck.
What?
I just need a little one.
Look, Kierra, there are no more checks to advance.
You're already into your next one.
Well, maybe you can go into your private stash.
Cut it out.
Oh. I see.
You got what you want, so now I'm expendable.
I left my other boyfriends for you.
I didn't ask you to. Hell, I'd prefer you didn't.
Let them chip in.
I see what's going on.
You want a beautiful woman,
but you don't want to pay the cost to keep her.
The cost?
Okay, look,
what happens in this place of business
is completely separate from what happens outside.
Oh. You want to keep it separate.
Yes. No more advances.
I understand completely.
So, since you're my man,
I'll expect my rent check later on tonight when I come over,
because my boss is being a real jerk.
Everything all right, boss?
No. That damn Kierra's about to drive me crazy.
And our numbers here have been down
for the last couple of weeks.
Yeah, I noticed.
We've got to change that quickly,
or else this is going to be the shortest trip
from success to failure ever.
Maybe we need to sex it up a little bit.
What do you mean?
I mean, you know, make it a place
where the fellas want to come to, you know?
Hire some sexy waitresses, fix the back room up,
make it into an exclusive VIP.
Sounds like you're talking about making it into a strip club.
It's only a strip club if they're stripping.
Sex it up, huh?
All right. All right, I'll tell you what.
You help drive in the business, I'll make you manager
Manager?
Yeah. I mean, you have just as much invested in this club
as I do.
Hey, boss, look,
I promise you I won't let you down.
I know you won't.
I'll be in the back for a while.
Cool.
Hey. Hey, what's going on, Shanice?
How you doing, Omar?
I'm looking for Todd.
Oh, he's not in right now.
Maybe, you know, I can help you out.
You know what?
I think I need to speak with Todd.
Well, Todd's not running the place anymore,
since he's made me manager.
Really? Yeah.
You know, I'm working on buying him out as we speak.
Wow. That's interesting.
Okay, maybe you can help me.
So my sorority is having its annual get-together,
and I'm thinking this might be the perfect place.
And I think you're right.
Yeah, maybe we can have it--
Make it one of those theme nights.
I like that. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You know, Shanice,
you know, I think it's cool that you're supporting Todd and all.
Look, I know it's not my place to say,
but sometimes
it's not the effort that you make,
but where you put it.
I do not follow. What do you mean?
I mean, why keep dumping money into an old jalopy
when you can just trade in for a new model?
Okay, Omar.
Um, I'm going to have somebody call
to make those arrangements.
Okay.
Business before pleasure, huh?
Yeah, see you soon.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Beautiful people of Chicago at the Water Lounge tonight.
Give yourselves a round of applause for coming out, man.
Hope you're drinking.
Drink, drink, drink, people.
It makes the comedy better. Drink up.
Any single parents out there? Single parents.
Yeah, give it up for yourselves.
Don't need no man for nothing.
Yes, yes. Yes, ladies, you do need a man for something.
You know, not everything, but for some things.
And children need a man in their life.
You know, I had a stepdad situation.
And when I say stepdad,
I don't mean my mama wasn't married.
You know, she just went with the man a long time.
You know, yeah, yeah.
Y'all go together. That's what they used to call that.
Y'all go together.
You don't know where you're going,
but you're going together, you know.
Because you are one, you know?
It was my sister's daddy.
And he was a grown little man.
I don't know if you've ever seen a grown little man,
but, you know, they have a Napoleon complex.
He was trying to tell us to do stuff,
and you'd be like,
"I'm not scared of you."
You know, because we felt like we could whoop Frank ass.
But...
But he was a grown little man.
But he had other little issues that we didn't know about.
He had like a glass eye.
And I don't know if you ever seen nobody with a glass eye,
but it's kind of scary
because the eye don't do stuff like regular eyes do.
You know, it don't blink or wink or nothing.
It just look at you all the time.
And you're a little kid, that's kind of scary.
We was like, "Mama, Frank keep looking at us."
And she was like, "That man asleep. He asleep."
And we'd be like, Well, somebody need to go shut that eye.
Because evidently nobody told it it was bedtime, you know?
Because it just stayed woke looking at people.
But we learned to appreciate the eye.
You know, at least Frank had an eye,
but he was an angry little man.
So one day he got to arguing
with the man next door, named Tummy.
And Tummy told Frank, he's like,
"Frank, don't, man. I'm gonna knock your eye out."
And, you know, I heard people say that,
but you don't really think that can happen in real life.
You can't knock a whole eye out.
But Frank went out there and led with the wrong eye.
And he was just hitting him in the eye.
And we was like, "Whoa, Frank. Stop. Stop, Frank."
And Frank was like, "I got him, I got him."
And we were like, "We can't tell. We can't tell."
Because that is not how you have nobody.
But I got to give the eye credit.
It was a tough-ass eye.
I don't know where he got it from.
But we were like, "Frank, that's a tough-ass eye."
But I guess the eye got tired and it actually fell out.
And we were like, "Whoa, he has knocked out Frank's eye."
And Frank's like, "Y'all help me find this eye.
Help me find my eye."
And we was little kids.
We were like, "Frank, we don't know what the eye look like
outside the eye."
You know, because you ain't never just been outside playing
and somebody drop their eye.
You'd be like, "Whoa, I found an eye outside, Mommy."
And she'd be like, "Throw that eye back outside.
Don't bring no eye in my house."
But...
I thought that was hilarious right there.
But this is a beautiful thing, man.
So I'm just happy to be here. I am really hot.
I'm happy to be in Chicago at all times.
I moved out to L.A.
Man, L.A. is whole nother place, you know.
They got a lot of Hispanics.
It's really Mexico. I don't know who says it's L.A.,
because it is Mexico.
I think we are in their territory.
Yeah, because, you know, people would be, like,
undocumented work bus.
You know, I ain't got no problem with no undocumented worker.
You know, I don't have no paperwork either.
So I don't know.
You know, I'm supposed to be here every day,
so, yeah, I don't have no time for it. Nothing.
But, yeah, because, you know,
people say, you know, it's like 12 million illegals.
You know, somebody had a clicker if you know the number.
That's all I'm saying. Somebody had a clicker.
So they're not illegal. You know they're here.
So, yeah. You get over a fence, that's good.
You did good, because, yeah, if you run from the police
and climb a fence, that's cool.
You know, that's a regular-size fence.
But Mexican people, they climb a real fence.
You'd be like, Man, that was good climb work
he did right there.
Yeah, because I can't climb no fence like that.
I'm going to pull a hamstring. I already know.
So-- But, yeah.
And I lived in a Mexican neighborhood.
I liked the Mexicans, because they work.
They work hard.
But they try to sell you stuff
that you did not know was a big seller.
You know, at the door a lady tried to sell me some tamales.
And I told her, I said,
I don't really eat tamales at the door, you know?
I usually go into an establishment...
Yeah.
And I score on the front of the thing.
You don't even have a score. I don't know what your score is.
Thank y'all. Keep supporting.
Oh, hey. Hey.
You know, I could have picked you up for dinner.
I know. I just wanted to do something
a little different tonight.
You plan on staying for a while?
No.
I like to bring my own fun sometimes.
Ah.
Come here, baby.
You know, you have been
so loving and so gentle.
I want you to do just one little bitty thing for me tonight.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Get on your knees.
What?
I said get on your knees, Peasant.
Have you lost your mind?
Woman, you got one more time to-
Boy, get on your knees.
What them?
Let me out of here!
Man, what-- What happened, man?
Linda happened.
Well, why didn't you scream for help?
Every time I opened the door, she'd slap me again.
What kind of freaky...?
She did things, J.
She did things, man.
I mean, things I just- I mean, I just...
This sounds horrible.
It was horrible.
But to be honest...
It's just-- What'?
Spit it out!
I kind of liked it.
You liked it.
Hey, man, I've never been
in such a place of eroticism, passion.
You know, psychological torture mixed with pleasure all in one.
Something is really wrong, Todd. Yeah, I know.
You need to go back to Shanice right now.
Shanice? Yeah, Shanice.
You're not ready for all these freaky women out here.
Oh, no. I'm ready. And you need to go,
because Shanice is on her way.
Yo, bro, you are tripping.
Say, look, man, Shanice had it all, all right?
Now if she wants to be treated like a little chick on the side,
that's how I'm going to treat her.
You need to get your mind off these women
and back onto your business.
You know, I went down to your spot a couple days ago.
I thought I was up in Magic City.
The only thing missing was a pole.
Look, man, I'm just adding a little sexy flavor to the place.
Yeah, well, Omar is making a living
pimping out that back room.
What?
Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes.
I'm here to tell you you're losing it.
You got to get it together, brother.
I have it together.
Oh.
You're an addict.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You're addicted to the women, the drama.
You're always looking for a new high.
Man, You don't know what you're talking about.
Yes, I do.
Man, and I feel bad,
because I'm the one that encouraged you, too.
Took me a while to figure it out.
But look at the pieces.
You proposed to four different women over four years,
only to break up with all of them.
Upon further examination,
I've discovered that they weren't right for me.
That's not it.
After the initial high of the proposal,
you felt depleted.
You had to go look for a fresh one.
Why would I propose just to break up?
Because you sick and twisted like that.
That's why Shanice was trying to get you to go to church.
Look, J, save the armchair psychology, man.
Who better to recognize an addict than a former one?
You're not an addict.
I was. Four years clean.
Don't you think I'd know if you were a drug addict?
Who said anything about drugs?
I was a high roller. I was a gambling fool.
What do you think all those trips to Vegas were about?
Everybody gambles in Vegas.
No, no, no. I was online gambling,
shooting craps in the alley, the racetrack.
No wonder you were broke.
Trust me, I won just as much as I lost.
But every time I did win I was out looking for that next win.
That next high.
It's a perpetual cycle.
Yeah, well, I'm not in that perpetual cycle.
Yes, you are.
Look, man,
you know these women ain't right for you.
But it's just like gambling.
You know you gonna lose, but you still got to play.
Now do yourself a favor.
Go to one meeting and tell me how you feel.
Look, I don't need some AA meeting.
Do it for me.
Fine. I'll think about it if you leave.
I'll leave, man, but that's not gonna solve your problems.
I know. You're right. You need help.
Like the professional kind.
Man, say no to these women! They drugs!
Don't inhale!
HEY- HEY-
Thanks for coming by.
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
I still don't know why we had to speak in person.
Well, because I can't do this over the phone.
Todd, what are you doing?
I can't stop thinking about you.
I don't think that we should--
See, that's the problem.
We've been thinking too much instead of enjoying the moment.
Enjoying the moment?
Yeah. You know I've realized that I've been putting
way too much pressure on you,
and now I'm ready to, you know, let it flow.
Todd, it wasn't the pressure. It was the selfishness.
You're right. You're right. I was selfish.
I was selfish.
Wait. No. Mm-mm, no.
Just let me-- I got to go to the bathroom.
I'm going to be right back, okay?
Sure.
I'll be back. Okay.
Got her now.
So...
You're ready to commit?
I am committed.
Okay. And you'll be satisfied with just me?
Only me. Nobody else. Absolutely.
Okay.
Then whose are these?
What“ Those?
Yes, these.
Uh...
I don't know. I have no idea.
They were in your bathroom.
Shanice, those are probably yours.
You don't think I know my own drawers?
Yes. No. I mean...
So now I'm just a fool.
That's what it is? Yes. No.
I mean, what does it matter?
It matters because I want someone who loves me, only me.
Not somebody who's going to go pick up some stray
two weeks after I'm gone.
Okay, all right. What about Robert?
Robert is just a friend,
and I am definitely not having sex with him.
Hey, look, just because somebody takes off they panties,
that don't mean that we had sex.
Now you really just think I'm a fool.
That's what that is.
You're not a fool.
Todd, you're single. You are free.
Why lie?
Own it.
All right, all right, look.
Okay, look, let me explain.
I can't. I can't even believe
that I was still trying to support you.
What do you mean?
You'll see tonight.
Wow. Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my God.
Linda?
I thought I told you not to come by unless--
Oh, Todd. There's someone I wanted you to meet.
Who's this?
That's my husband, Allen.
Your husband? Yeah.
I thought it was about time the two of you guys met.
Pleasure to meet you.
I've heard such delicious things about you.
Oh, relax.
We're not staying.
Not now.
I just thought maybe it was best
that the two of you meet now.
You know, before later on tonight.
I'm looking forward to spending some more time with you tonight.
What you mean tonight?
Ooh, the possibilities are endless.
Until tonight.
Oh. Thank you, baby.
Say, bro...
What in the freaky hell...?
Hey, boss. What can I get you? Nothing. I'm good.
Where's Kierra?
She's around.
I see.
So, do you like what you see?
The club is packed. The register is full.
We're even turning people away at the door.
It's not a club. It's a lounge.
What's up with the music?
Oh, yeah.
We decided to change it up a little bit
to better fit our clientele.
Hey, everybody.
I just want to thank all of my sisters
from the Chicago chapter of Phi Sigma Beta
for coming out tonight.
I would to especially like to thank Mrs. Linda Carter,
one of our premier members.
Thank you so much for coming out.
And also one of our younger sisters, Miss Kierra White.
Thanks, Kierra.
Oh, last but not least,
I want to thank Mr. Todd Ryder.
For opening up his establishment to us.
Thank you, Todd.
You invited Shanice's sorority in here?
I did.
They paid $1,500 to use the place.
You let Shanice and Kierra in the same spot?
I didn't know they were sorority sisters.
I'm not paid to keep your mess straight, all right?
I'm paid to bring in business.
O, you're killing me, man.
You are absolutely killing me. How could you let-J?
And who are the goons, by the way?
They're with the gentleman who's occupying the back room.
Occupy? Who? One of our regulars.
We've been open less than a month, man.
We ain't got no regulars.
He became a regular when you made me manager.
Hold on. So you're trying to tell me
I can't go into the back room of my own club?
Lounge. Remember?
All I'm saying is the gentleman paid good money, Todd.
How much? Your cut is $500.
My cut? Yeah.
I figure if I'm bringing in all the business,
then I should get the bulk of the extra money.
Say, bro, every dime that walks through that door belongs to me.
I pay you to be a manager. That's right.
To manage.
Not fill the place up with customers.
This place was dead. Remember that?
You would be bankrupt by the end of next month
if it wasn't for me.
You know what, man?
We're here as planned.
This party is great. Yeah, it's interesting.
I didn't know it was happening.
Surprise.
I just love to support the men in my life.
And your husband too?
Of course.
Besides, I couldn't let Linda have all the fun.
Congratulations on all your success.
I guess she was right.
You do know how to handle your business.
Okay, look, I don't know what kind of crazy,
freaky stuff y'all into, but I'm not interested, okay?
I wasn't raised that way.
Well, don't knock it till you try it.
Hey, hey-
You's feisty like I like it.
Look, I'm serious. Y'all should leave.
Okay?
Take that little Sodom and Gomorrah damnation with you.
This looks cozy.
How do you know Linda.
We met a few weeks ago.
He's a fun one.
Fun?
Fun.
Excuse me-- Excuse me for a moment.
Take your time.
What is going on? Hey, man, who is that?
That's a guest of the person who's using the back room.
Okay, O, this is it, man. It's over.
What? It's over.
Tell Devo to get his boy and bounce.
Can't do that.
Yes, you can. Tell him now.
I won't do that.
Who are you talking to?
I'm talking to you.
You see, you got me twisted.
Look around, boss man.
This is my club now.
Your ass is just visiting.
Okay, let me tell you something.
You think because you 6'4" with a bald head
and a pink shirt that I won't-- Hi, baby.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm on my break.
Doing what?
I'm off the clock, remember?
And whatever happens here is completely separate
from what happens outside of here.
There he is. My man Viggo.
What's up, baby?
I like your little lounge you got going here.
Hey, listen, I want to thank you personally
for that little thing you set up for me.
Mmm, that girl was all you said she would be.
Hey, the pleasure's mine, Mr. Styles.
Thank you. Yes, sir.
Kierra, you know that's not the last time, right?
I got plans for--
Hey, man.
Oh, do me a favor.
Why don't you get me a bottle of your finest champagne
and pour my ladies another round.
And make sure it's cold, boy. All right?
I'll be damned. Hold up, man.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, man. Move, man!
Hey!
Man, what in God's name happened to you?
Oh, man, it was crazy.
Omar was pimping. Kierra was ho'ing.
My club was turning into the Bunny Ranch of Chicago.
I told you. Save your "I told you so's."
I just got to figure out what I'm going to do
about my business.
I hate to admit it,
but I was going under before Omar started managing, you know?
I might be shut down.
Man, this is not about your business.
This is about you.
You start making better decisions about your life,
you start making better decisions about your business.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
I know I'm right.
When is that next meeting again?
Tomorrow night.
I'll be there.
Good.
And afterwards, I'm gonna teach you how to fight,
because you got your butt beat.
Hey, man, there was like three.
Oh, really?
Actually there was one, two, three, four, five.
Five of them. Why didn't you run? You're fast.
What you mean run, man? I ain't gonna run.
Hey, I did-- Where were you at?
You were supposed to be my boy.
I was not being where you were and getting my butt beaten.
I'm never really sure how the day is going to end.
Will I take a drink or won't I?
Every time I want to take a drink,
I remember that little girl
lying in the streets with her baby doll.
Though I'm not the one who hit her,
her blood's still on my hands,
because every time I got behind that wheel drunk,
I just keep thinking it could have been me.
I could have murdered that little girl.
She haunts me.
One day at a time.
Would anybody else like to share?
My name is Joe...
and I'm a sex addict.
I just love sex.
I love it more than food, money.
If I knew by laying down with a woman I was going to die,
I'd probably still have sex.
And when I think about all the risks I've taken,
I can't believe I did those things.
I guess my lowest point came
when my 6-year-old son got on my laptop to play a game
and a porn site popped up.
He sat there and watched for over 10 minutes
before I even knew what was going on.
I was mortified.
My wife left me.
And my son's probably scarred for life.
I don't know if I can change.
But I'm trying hard every day.
One day at a time.
Would anybody else like to share?
My name is Todd.
I'm not really sure how to classify my addiction.
I guess the best way to describe it is,
I'm addicted to the chase,
as pertaining to women.
I love getting a woman so twisted, so into me,
that she'd do anything.
And once I got her, I don't know.
I just don't want her anymore.
I used to always tell myself
that once I found the right woman,
you know, it would be different.
But when I got her,
I just focused on the parts of her life
that I couldn't control.
My mom died when I was in high school.
I never really understood why that happened to me.
Well, the sicker she got the tighter I held onto her.
And when she died,
I guess I never really found my way.
So I'm lost.
I've ruined my relationships.
My business.
I don't know. I just...
I just want to be who I'm supposed to be.
And you will.
You'll find your way.
One day at a time.
Anyone else want to share?
Hi. I'm Nicole.
And I'm a raging sex addict.
Hello, Nicole.
Hey. Thanks for coming by.
You're welcome.
What do you want to talk about?
First, I want to apologize.
For what?
For what happened.
Since we've been apart...
I've been seeing two other women.
Look, I know you're upset, but I need you to listen to me.
I don't want to listen to you.
I left a good, decent man
because you told me things would be different.
That you loved me.
That you wanted to support my dreams.
You left me. I was devastated.
Okay? But for all the wrong reasons.
So I had to do some work OI'! me.
You wasted my time.
And you played with my heart.
You're right. I did.
But I'm finally on the right track.
I don't know if it was the alone time, the prayer,
hitting rock bottom.
But I'm different now. I am. I'm different now.
And I want you in my life.
That's not different.
That's always been the problem.
You want. You, you, you.
What about me? What about what I want?
Whatever it is.
Whatever it is, you got it.
To move the unmovable. To support your dreams.
You got it.
Yeah.
I want the last six months of my life back.
Oh, Shanice.
I'm happy you're changing.
Hopefully you'll be a better man...
for someone else.
Goodbye, Todd,
Oh, man, you ever accidentally fart, anybody?
Oh, don't act like it,
because the reason I'm asking is because I smell it.
Somebody in here done accidentally farted.
Y'all need to quit with all that.
Silence is deadly, okay?
So if you think it's gonna slip out, get out.
How about that? Oh, I can't take it.
You guys are killing me.
And don't poo-poo over other people house. Hello?
That's something you need to do at your own house.
When people come over my house,
they want to know can they use the bathroom?
I need to know for what: number one or number two?
Because you can't number two here.
Especially old people,
because they got all them medicines and stuff
in their poo-poo.
Oh, try to kill me. I don't think so.
So go home, get out, and I'm out.
I'm Melanie Comacho. You guys have been great.
Thank you.
No more farting.
Oh, man. J, I really appreciate you helping me out, man.
I needed someone I could trust.
Oh, thanks, man. I needed the gig.
Place is packed.
That's always a good thing.
How'd you do it?
Wasn't me.
I want to thank you all for coming out tonight.
This is our grand reopening,
and tonight I am especially proud to present
a world famous comedian: my father, Nate Ryder.
No, no, no, no, no.
But thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ooh, look at all the comics out in the house.
My goodness, look like old hag's convention down in Vegas.
Well, seriously, though, I would like to thank all my friends
both, you know, new and old for coming on out tonight.
Want y'all to know something. My act is a little different.
See, I'm a Christian now. Yeah, praise the Lord.
So, you know, things I used to do I don't do no more.
Yeah. I don't drink no more, I don't smoke no more.
There's some things I do miss.
Not what you think about.
You're nasty, that's your problem.
You need Jesus. I'm talking about cussing.
I don't cuss no more!
Cussing, it's just cussing. I miss cussing.
Some of y'all know who I am, you know?
Y'all still yell "dang," slipping the "damn."
Excuse me, Lord. I'm sorry.
Yeah, I just don't get cussing Christians.
Cussing saints.
How you gonna go from "hallelujah"
to "I wish a so and so would go back to hallelujah" again?
I don't get that transition, you know what I mean?
Hi. Hi.
I thought...
I'm just here to support you.
You know, I figured if I showed you what it looked like,
you'll know how to do it when it's time to support me.
I got you.
Hostess with the mostest.
There is one thing that I do miss.
I guess I ain't the only nasty one in the room.
Amen. Glory to God. Hey, sister freak over there.
Fornication!
I miss fornication!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I miss fornication!
Turn to high-five three Negros that say I miss fornication.
I miss fornication! I miss fornication!
Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah. How could--
I never understood how could something so good
be so bad?
Amen.
So bad.
I guess, like, finally I appreciate
how fat folks suffer with ice cream.
Tastes so good.
But, Lord, it's bad.
That look like a cone right there.
Freaky lady, you want a bite?
You go ahead, go ahead. You can have some ice cream.
You know you...
Give me a round of applause. I'm funny.